Try not to take it personally. Your toddler is undergoing some amazing changes right now and needs to be able to express her emotions. In the beginning, she wasn't aware of herself as a separate entity, a person with preferences and dislikes. Starting early in her second year, though, as her language skills and intellect developed, she began to discover her individuality, realizing that she was a "me" and an "I." That "me" wants her way, but hasn't yet learned self-control.
Imagine someone thwarting you when you tried to get something you really wanted — a raise at work, a much-needed vacation, or even your place in line at the bank. You'd probably get mad, just like your toddler does. But as an adult, you're able — at least ideally — to put your disappointment into perspective. Your child can't. Right now, every goal is important to her, and she doesn't understand that she may get what she wants later — but not right now, when she wants it. The promise of a future payoff ("We can't get you a treat now, but after we finish grocery shopping we can go to the toy store") doesn't soothe an impatient toddler since she has only a vague concept of time and exists primarily in the present.
Your child's reactions are a sign that her emotions are maturing as they should be. The intensity and frequency of her anger may also be a function of her temperament. Has she always been quick to take offense, fussy for long periods of time, or difficult to console? Some children, often described as spirited have more intense dispositions that make them more easily upset and more difficult to calm down. Consequently, they may at times seem truly inconsolable.
One thing you can do as a parent is to pick your battles and let her have her way when it makes sense, so that she gets what she wants some of the time. For example, if she demands to bring her stuffed bear and wear mismatched clothes to school, and there's a rule at school saying toys aren't allowed, you can let her choose what she wants to wear and say no to the bear. At least she can feel empowered because she got to make her own decision about what to wear that day.
Or you can try distracting her so she doesn't dwell on her feelings and becomes occupied with another task instead. If she is upset that you won't let her eat chocolate for breakfast, for example, make her laugh by taking a swig of milk and showing off your milk mustache. You'll be surprised at how easily distracted toddlers are. Finally, talk to your toddler about what she feels, and why she can't have what she wants. Explain the reasoning behind your refusal. For example, instead of simply saying "no" to her request for a second helping of pie, tell her, "We don't eat two desserts because that might give us a tummy ache."
What's most important is that you are able to set limits for your child without ruling with an iron fist. When your child is conscious of having reasonable boundaries (and knows that manipulation won't help her get away with anything) but also feels free to express her desires, she'll be able to learn one of life's basic lessons: You don't always get what you want.
Imagine someone thwarting you when you tried to get something you really wanted — a raise at work, a much-needed vacation, or even your place in line at the bank. You'd probably get mad, just like your toddler does. But as an adult, you're able — at least ideally — to put your disappointment into perspective. Your child can't. Right now, every goal is important to her, and she doesn't understand that she may get what she wants later — but not right now, when she wants it. The promise of a future payoff ("We can't get you a treat now, but after we finish grocery shopping we can go to the toy store") doesn't soothe an impatient toddler since she has only a vague concept of time and exists primarily in the present.
Your child's reactions are a sign that her emotions are maturing as they should be. The intensity and frequency of her anger may also be a function of her temperament. Has she always been quick to take offense, fussy for long periods of time, or difficult to console? Some children, often described as spirited have more intense dispositions that make them more easily upset and more difficult to calm down. Consequently, they may at times seem truly inconsolable.
One thing you can do as a parent is to pick your battles and let her have her way when it makes sense, so that she gets what she wants some of the time. For example, if she demands to bring her stuffed bear and wear mismatched clothes to school, and there's a rule at school saying toys aren't allowed, you can let her choose what she wants to wear and say no to the bear. At least she can feel empowered because she got to make her own decision about what to wear that day.
Or you can try distracting her so she doesn't dwell on her feelings and becomes occupied with another task instead. If she is upset that you won't let her eat chocolate for breakfast, for example, make her laugh by taking a swig of milk and showing off your milk mustache. You'll be surprised at how easily distracted toddlers are. Finally, talk to your toddler about what she feels, and why she can't have what she wants. Explain the reasoning behind your refusal. For example, instead of simply saying "no" to her request for a second helping of pie, tell her, "We don't eat two desserts because that might give us a tummy ache."
What's most important is that you are able to set limits for your child without ruling with an iron fist. When your child is conscious of having reasonable boundaries (and knows that manipulation won't help her get away with anything) but also feels free to express her desires, she'll be able to learn one of life's basic lessons: You don't always get what you want.
沒有留言:
張貼留言